Yeah, so a while ago Japers’ Rink used the website howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com to see how many 5 year olds Sidney Crosby could take in a fight. I wish I could have found the post to see what number they came up with, but I was thinking: whatever number Crosby got, Brind’Amour should be able to take twice that. Brind’Amour is a friggin’ monster. So, just as they did, I will calculate how many 5 year olds a hockey player could take in a fight: Rod Brind’Amour style.
It’s a quiz and I am going question by question.
Brind’amour:
#1 What’s your body type?
Everyone knows of Rod’s legendary workouts and so I put Very Muscular/Body Builder.
#2 What is the reach of your arms?
The options were “Good Reach,” “Average Reach,” and “short, stumpy arms.” Um……….Average?
#3 Which best describes your sense of balance
Well, I imagine all hockey players have a good sense of balance, since they spend half their lives skating around.
#4 How high can you kick?
I put 2-3 feet. Rod doesn’t strike me as the insanely flexible kind.
#5 How tall are you?
Carolina Hurricanes website lists him as 6′1″. The average male height is 5′10″, according to a documentary I watched on TLC about really tall people. 3 inches, so I’m going “tall.”
#6 How old are you?
Carolina Hurricanes website says 37.
#7 Do you have any martial arts experience?
I don’t think so……Can you image Brind’amour using some Kung-fu to kick someone’s ass? That would be awesome. He would be indestructible.
#8 In your lifetime, how many fights have you been in?
28 according to www.hockeyfights.com.
#9 Do you have any experience fighting swarms, such as being chased by a bunch of pissed-off bees or playing starcraft against the Zerg?
Japers’ said Sidney was chased around by teenage girls, don’t think that happens for Rod. Again, questionably answering “no.”
#10 Have you ever been trampled? (by a horse, at a rock concert, etc)
Judging from the state of Rod’s nose, I’m going yes.
#11 If desperate in a fight, would you resort to biting and/or eye-gouging? (Do you fight dirty?)
Being the captain of the Hurricanes and from what I have seen of him, seems like an honorable man. I don’t think he would go there.
#12 How would you feel about the fact that you’re fighting a bunch of kids?
I don’t know how old they are, but I know Rod has young kids. My guess is he would be uncomfortable fighting children the same age as his own kids. The answer I put: “This is so wrong – these are children for pete’s sake. I don’t think I could fight them, even in self defense.”
#13 During the fight, would you feel morally comfortable picking up a child and using him/her as a weapon to throw at other children?
Are you all right? I laughed for a good 5 minutes at that one. Oh, Jesus. See above. I put no.
Answer:
19. Rod could take 19 five year olds. Fun.
Please let me know if you see a red box in a 19 in it or a bunch of nonsensical HTML. Having some problems with WordPress. Just leave a comment.
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My AP United States History final is tomorrow. Wish me luck!